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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24839218">In Case You Don't Live Forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/myemergence/pseuds/myemergence'>myemergence</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eddie Diaz Week 2020 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuela is in the hospital, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eddie Diaz Week, Eddie Diaz Week 2020, Eddie recalls important times in his life with Abuela, I promise she's okay, M/M, Mentions of a heart condition, Prompt: Eddie and his abuela, Team as Family, protecteddiediaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:35:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,736</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24839218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/myemergence/pseuds/myemergence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You kept saying that she made you feel like you were a part of a family that you’re not actually a part of. I was born into this family, and there were a lot of times, especially growing up, when I felt like I didn’t belong. Like I didn’t have a place. I could never live up to my dad’s expectations, I would never quite be good enough, or fit the mold of what he wanted—needed me to be. Every time I felt broken down, she was always there reminding me; who I am is enough. I’d like to say she always drowned out my dad’s voice, but sometimes he was just too loud."</p><p>**<br/>For Eddie Diaz week, Eddie &amp; his abuela</p><p>Eddie gets a call and finds out Abuela is in the hospital, forcing him to evaluate just how much she means to him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Diaz &amp; Henrietta “Hen” Wilson, Eddie Diaz &amp; Howie "Chimney" Han (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) &amp; Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eddie Diaz Week 2020 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788640</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Case You Don't Live Forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was such a ride to write. Big thanks go to Marcia, Nicole, Eli, Jen, JJ, &amp; Katie for not letting me give up on this at various stages. A few parts of this inspired by actual events in my life.</p><p>Title from a Ben Platt song that just fit this so perfectly.</p><p>A big thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/marciaelena">marciaelena</a> for the beta!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been a grueling day. There’s barely been a pause between emergencies, and the one-eighteen is finally settled into the rig after their most recent call, an apartment fire. Eddie leans back, shifting slightly in the seat until his knee presses against Buck’s thigh. </p><p>“Kind of crazy after a blaze like that to have no injuries aside from some minor burns and smoke inhalation,” Buck says.</p><p>“Yeah, someone’s guardian angel was watching out for them today,” Eddie chuckles, glancing out the window and trying to appreciate the calm at the end of the shift. On busy days like today the rides back to the station were sometimes the only moments of calm, and he lets the tension seep out for a few moments. They’re on a bit of a high, especially after the last call.</p><p>They continue their banter while the truck weaves through traffic until Eddie feels his phone vibrate. He pulls it out and sees that he has six missed calls and an incoming one from Pepa. He holds his hand up to Buck, indicating that he needs a minute while he takes the call. “Pepa? Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you, Edmundo.”</p><p>“Are you okay?” he repeats, his entire body rigid with tension.</p><p>“It’s Isabel.”</p><p> </p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Eddie leaves the bunk room, trying to pull himself together. He hopes he’s calmed himself down enough to talk to Bobby, because he knows he’ll be unable to focus even for the last thirty minutes that are left until the end of his shift, and what good will he be to them, then? His heart feels so heavy that it’s physically weighing him down, and he feels sluggish. </p><p>He takes a deep breath before approaching Bobby’s office, knocking gently. “Hey, uh, hey, Cap.  You have a minute?” He struggles to clear his throat, hearing his choked tone and cringing at the sound.</p><p>Bobby glances up from his paperwork, and the expression on his face is one of pure worry. “Eddie, have a seat.”</p><p>“I-I don’t need to sit. I-It’s Abuela.” Fuck. Eddie blinks and he feels the tears shake loose, sliding down his face unchecked. He quickly brushes the tears away with the back of his hand. </p><p>“Did you hear anything more? Are <em> you </em> okay?” </p><p>“I just,” Eddie presses his lips together tightly. “I need the rest of the shift off. I-I have to get up to the hospital. T<b>í</b>a Pepa is there, and I—this can’t all be on her. We don’t know if—” He drops his head as he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to find some way to calm himself enough to get through this.</p><p>He feels a firm hand on his shoulder, then a comforting squeeze that only causes him to spin further out of control. Eddie doesn’t feel Bobby’s hands guiding him to the chair, but before he knows what’s happened he’s sitting down with Bobby crouched in front of him, his brow furrowed.</p><p>“I <em> have </em> to go,” he croaks.</p><p>“I know,” Bobby soothes, “but you can’t drive. Why don’t we talk for a couple of minutes first?”</p><p>Eddie’s head drops down into his hands. “And say what? That-that the woman who practically raised me, who believed in me when nobody else would… that she might <em> die?</em> That her <em> heart</em><em>— </em>”</p><p>“That her heart is full of <em> love</em>, Eddie. That she knows she has something to fight for. I know this is scary, and I know that it’s hard not to jump to worst-case scenarios. But try not to get ahead of yourself here, okay?”</p><p>“She saved my life, Bobby. When nobody else could see that I needed saving, not even my wife, or my parents… she saw me. She made sure that I was okay.” Eddie sniffles as he lifts red-rimmed eyes to his captain’s concerned face.</p><p>Bobby wears a rueful smile. “Literally or figuratively?”</p><p>Eddie’s silent for a long time. “Both,” he says. “After I returned from my last tour, things were really rough for me. I-I would snap at Shan and not even know why; I was stressed out and burning out. The smallest things would send me back to Afghanistan, and I struggled to see how I was going to make it through. I could barely see the purpose of each day. I was a stranger to Chris, he barely even knew me, so it’s not even like he’d missed his dad. She helped me see what I had to fight for. She took me to a support group, which I hated every single second of, but it helped me to see that I wasn’t alone. She took me each and every week until I was ready to go by myself.</p><p>“That’s why I can’t-I <em> can’t </em> lose her.”</p><p>“C’mon, let’s go.”</p><p>“Where are we going?”</p><p>“The hospital.”</p><p> </p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s been unable to sit still since Bobby dropped him off at the hospital, and he’s been in the waiting room with Pepa, impatient and ready for an update. They suspect it was a heart attack, which Eddie only knows because Pepa told him. They’ve heard nothing in the forty-five minutes since he arrived.</p><p>In that time, Eddie has anxiously paced the small waiting room, while Pepa has remained visibly calm and still seated. “Why don’t you come sit with me?” she requests, pulling him away from his spiraling thoughts. Eddie continues to pace. “Please?”</p><p>With a heavy sigh, Eddie plants himself in the open seat beside Pepa. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes. “I know I’m not being helpful, it’s just… it’s <em> Abuela </em>.” Eddie’s voice breaks on her name.</p><p>“I know,” Pepa encourages, gently squeezing his knee until he finally looks over at her. “You’ve always been special to her.”</p><p>Eddie feels tears prick behind his eyes that he’s too stubborn to let fall in front of her. “She’s the special one,” he stresses as his leg bounces anxiously. Eddie glances up at the nurses’ station, itching to walk over and demand an update. </p><p>“She’s always talked about you, ever since you were a little boy. Still does,” Pepa adds with a soft chuckle. “She tells all of the ladies at church about her <em> favorite </em>nieto.”</p><p>“Oh, God.” Eddie hears an unwelcome laugh that somehow slips past his lips. He shifts in the seat uncomfortably, glancing down at his hands. He’s so <em> awful </em> at this, talking about his feelings. After his breakdown with Bobby he’s already feeling raw. He also knows Pepa has been worrying about his abuela for longer than he has, and it’s only fair that he helps to distract her from that worry, at least for a few minutes. “You know, the first time I realized that she’s not like everyone else’s grandma I was eight.”</p><p>“It took you that long?” Pepa teases with a soft laugh, glancing at Eddie with a glimmer in her eye.</p><p>Eddie laughs again, genuine this time. “There was a soapbox derby and I begged my dad to enter with me. He told me that he was too busy with work, that I wasn’t gonna win anyway so he wasn’t going to waste his time.” Eddie swallows slowly; despite all the years that have passed since, he remembers the early days of his father’s lack of faith in him with painful clarity. Some days it feels suffocating. “I was pretty heartbroken, all my closest friends were participating with their dads. It sucked being left out. I told Abuela and the next morning she woke me up at six, only a few days before the derby. We worked all day for the next two days. She believed in me, and we placed second. Which my dad said was still losing, but it didn’t feel that way.” His features soften at the memory.</p><p>“I remember her telling me about that,” Pepa manages through a yawn.</p><p>Eddie gently runs a hand over Pepa’s back. “Why don’t I go grab us a couple of coffees, and something from the vending machine?” he suggests. Pepa reluctantly agrees, and he walks down the hallway to the machines. Eddie says a silent prayer, hoping that this woman who has shown such heart throughout her entire life can dig down deep for her fighting spirit.</p><p> </p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Eddie steps away from the nurses’ station after another failed attempt at an update. He doesn’t know why it’s taking so long, he’s been at the hospital for nearly an hour and a half now. The information that they have now is barely more than what Pepa knew when he first arrived. It’s all so frustrating.</p><p>This feeling—not being able to help—it’s constricting, and he feels like he can’t breathe. He excuses himself, tells Pepa he needs a minute and steps outside, scrubbing his hands over his face just outside the entrance. “Fuck!” he shouts, narrowly resisting the urge to kick the bench.</p><p>“I’m guessing that means no good news yet.” Buck’s voice startles him. Buck’s hand moves to rest solidly against Eddie’s back, before shifting to squeeze his shoulder. Eddie’s shoulder sag at the familiar touch, and he tries to hold on to the ease that he usually feels around Buck.</p><p>It’s there, but dimmed by the dark clouds of worry in his mind.</p><p>Eddie bites down on his lower lip, finally shrugging. He hears the break in his own voice at the next words. “No news at all.” Eddie feels like he’s vibrating out of his skin. He sees Buck glance at the bench in front of them before he glances around.</p><p>“Why don’t we go for a short walk, so you can clear your head a little?”</p><p>“I don’t know, <em> Pepa</em>-”</p><p>“Pepa is doing alright up there, I’m sure, but you need a minute, man. You don’t want her to see this, do you?” Eddie sighs, knowing that Buck’s right, and falls into step beside him. “We won’t go far,” he promises.</p><p>They walk in silence beside each other, and Eddie finds comfort in Buck’s steady presence.</p><p>“Carla’s at the house with Chris,” Buck tells him. God, he’s such a mess. How has he somehow forgotten that Buck picked up Chris for him so that he could go to the hospital? </p><p>“Thank you for doing that.” Buck waves off his words, so Eddie quiets.  </p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Eddie lets out a small laugh. Only Buck. “I know you’re thinking about Isabel. And I’m worried about her, too. She’s become like family to me. What I mean is, you just seem... pretty lost in your own head. Just wondering what’s going on up there?”</p><p>“I’ve just been thinking about how lost I’d be if she wasn't around. I think of all that she’s helped me through, and I just wonder if she knows.”</p><p>“She <em> knows, </em>” Buck assures him.</p><p>“I swear she did this on purpose just so I’ll talk about my feelings,” Eddie says with an unamused laugh, his voice strained, and Buck chuckles beside him. They loop back around and start walking towards the hospital again.  </p><p>“You know,” Buck says, gently bumping Eddie’s shoulder with his own, “I’ve never felt so much a part of someone’s family that I’m not <em> actually </em> a part of. Not just with you and Christopher, but Pepa, too. Y’know my grandparents all passed away when I was a kid, so in my adult life I never had a grandma. I always wondered what that would be like, and then I met Isabel. I know that she’s not <em> actually </em> my grandma, but she’s always made me feel welcome, like I belong. Always making sure I’m okay.”</p><p>“Stop saying that you’re not <em> actually </em> a part of this family, Buck. You are, in every way that matters,” Eddie says firmly, because it’s true; he grabs ahold of Buck’s hand so that he’ll look at Eddie. Buck’s been there for Christopher’s school events, he’s there for their family game nights and movie nights, he comes with them when Abuela invites them over for Diaz family dinner with Pepa, and he’s the one that without being asked immediately said he’d pick up Christopher from school so that Eddie could head straight to the hospital. “You’re part of this family, whether you like it or not.”</p><p>Buck smiles. “There’s nothing I’d like more.” Eddie smiles back, trying not to think about the implication of those words. Reluctantly, he lets go of Buck’s hand, missing the warmth and comfort immediately.</p><p>“You kept saying that she made you feel like you were a part of a family that you’re not actually a part of. I was born into this family, and there were a lot of times, especially growing up, when I felt like I didn’t belong. Like I didn’t have a place. I could never live up to my dad’s expectations, I would never quite be <em> good </em> enough, or fit the mold of what he wanted—<em>needed </em> me to be. Every time I felt broken down, she was always there reminding me; who I am is enough. I’d like to say she always drowned out my dad’s voice, but sometimes he was just too loud.</p><p>“But she’s always been there to pick up the pieces. When I was a kid, as a teenager in crisis,” Eddie says. “She was the one person that supported my deployment. When I came back from my last tour and I felt like I was alone even in my own marriage, she reminded me that she would <em> always </em> be there to help me find the pieces and put myself together.” Buck’s quiet and Eddie wonders if he’s said too much. </p><p>“Better get back in there, because she’s gonna help you through this crisis, too,” Buck promises, lightly clapping him on the shoulder. “She’ll help you put the pieces back together, like she always does.”</p><p> </p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s seated in the waiting room, Pepa on his left, and Buck pressed against his right side. “You know, I appreciate that you came down here to check on me, Buck, but you don’t have to stay,” he says, meanwhile bouncing his leg anxiously.</p><p>He feels a firm hand close over his knee, causing him to still. “I’m staying.”</p><p>Eddie opens his mouth with an argument on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he sighs quietly and turns to look at Buck. “Thank you.”</p><p>Buck shrugs. “There’s nothing to thank me for.” Buck tells Eddie and Pepa that he’s going to grab them all something to drink and he’ll be right back. His eyes linger on Buck.</p><p>“He’s good for you,” Pepa says as she watches Buck walk away. </p><p>Eddie can’t help but chuckle. “<em> Pepa </em> , it’s not like that with Buck. We’re friends,” he says, although he wants so much more with Buck. He doesn’t want them to just be <em> like </em> a family; there’s nothing he wants more than for Buck to fill the empty space in his life. </p><p>“Hm,” Pepa hums. “You know, your abuela says that your abuelo was her best friend.”</p><p>Eddie groans at her words. “You’re just as bad as she is, you know?” He glances down as his cell phone rings and he excuses himself. “Hey, Hen,” Eddie greets quietly as he leans back against the empty wall behind him.</p><p>“Hey, how’re you guys holding up down there?”</p><p>Eddie drags a hand over his face in a tired gesture. “We’re doing alright, Hen, just a lot of sitting and pacing. We’re still waiting for an update.” He feels his heart sink a bit more every time another family that’s waiting gets an update. It’s the not knowing what is happening back there that is the hardest.</p><p>“I can hear you thinking over there, you know.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Eddie sighs. </p><p>“Don’t be,” Hen says. “Listen, you don’t have to worry about Christopher tonight, okay? Karen is picking up Chris and he’s gonna have a sleepover with Denny.”</p><p>“You don’t have to—”</p><p>“Eddie, he’s the easiest kid, it’s no trouble. Besides, you need to focus on what’s going on at the hospital, and Chris having fun with Denny tonight means one less thing for you to try to juggle.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Eddie mumbles, wondering what he’s ever done to deserve this kind of friendship. To deserve these people.</p><p>Eddie doesn’t know if he’ll ever figure out what he’s done to be worthy of them, but he feels the need to dig down, ignore the voice of his father and let them in a little more each day. Show them how appreciated they are, especially in the middle of a crisis. “When Chris was little and I came back from my last tour, I was practically a stranger to him. Abuela helped me through it, all of those times when I’d hold him and he’d cry because he wanted Shannon. Abuela said that I loved him and I needed to be persistent, that a boy needed his dad. Having the history that I do with my dad, I knew she was right. She was the only one that supported my move to L.A. with Christopher, and she helped me so much when I was getting settled with the one-eighteen.</p><p>“She’s the one who showed me what loving and caring for other people really is. What it’s like to have someone care for me, and Chris.” Eddie’s quiet for a pause as he tries to gather his thoughts. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, thanks for being one of those people. For helping with Chris now, for welcoming him like you have. It… wasn’t always like that for him.”</p><p>“That’s what family does. Besides, I’m pretty sure with how well behaved he is, he’s not actually your kid anyway,” Hen teases.</p><p>Eddie barks out a laugh. “Tell him I love him.”</p><p>“I will; ‘night, Eddie.”</p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Eddie tries to muffle a yawn inside the crook of his arm. The exhaustion of a busy shift immediately followed by spending the rest of the day waiting for news on Abuela has worn him down. </p><p>He barely notices Buck ending a phone call beside him, and only looks up when Buck bumps his leg against Eddie’s. “We’re gonna get something to eat.”</p><p>“I’m not really hungry, I’d rather wait for news.” </p><p>“I know, but you and Pepa both need food. Chim’s outside, he brought some takeout. Why don’t you go take a quick walk and grab it? Pepa is going to tell me some more embarrassing stories about a young Edmundo Diaz.” </p><p>Eddie shakes his head before he drags himself out of the seat, making his way down the hall to the elevator and outside of the hospital. He sees Chimney leaning against the outside of the building. “Chim, hey, man.”</p><p>“I thought you guys might need something other than crappy cafeteria food,” Chim says, holding a brown paper bag —takeout from Eddie’s favorite burger place. “As someone that’s spent my fair share of time inside of here, trust me. This way you won’t get food poisoning.”</p><p>“I’m not all that hungry. But this is great, I’m sure Buck is starving and Pepa needs to eat,” Eddie says. “You didn’t have to come all the way down here, I really appreciate it.”</p><p>“I ordered your burger just how you like it, Diaz. Don’t let it go to waste.” Chim pushes away from his stance on the side of the building. Although his tone is teasing, Eddie registers the concerned look on Chim’s face. “Besides, I’m not about to call your parents and tell them that you’re in the hospital, too.”</p><p>“Oh, they won’t care,” Eddie smiles sadly. “Other than you guys, Abuela and Pepa are the only ones that would be worried.”</p><p>“Look, being the wise friend is <em> not </em> my forte,” Chim says, his face twisting in a displeased expression, “so let’s try to keep this to a minimum, yeah? You know how my relationship is with my dad, if you can even call it that. It sucks that we don’t have strong relationships with our own blood. But the one-eighteen family is as strong as blood, maybe stronger.”</p><p>“Joining the firehouse almost didn’t happen,” Eddie admits. “I decided that Christopher and I were going to move, and I put in for a few firehouses. I had a couple of offers for firehouses in Texas, and L.A. was the one that was the farthest away. It was a career change that my parents didn’t support to begin with. They told me that I couldn’t do it on my own, that it would be better for Christopher if we stayed with them… if <em> he </em> stayed with them. They fought me every step of the way. </p><p>“Abuela was on my side the entire time, reminding them that I was Christopher’s father, that I could handle the move. That I wouldn’t be alone in L.A. because I’d have her. The truth? I never would’ve been able to do it without her, man. She--” Eddie swallows down the lump in his throat, dropping teary eyes to the ground. “She is at the forefront of every good thing in my life. If she dies, I won’t be able to survive that. I—”</p><p>Eddie feels Chim’s hand brace his arm, and he raises his head until his eyes settle on Chim. “We’re not borrowing trouble. Until a doctor says that’s what’s happening, you don’t entertain the thought. You’re gonna go inside, <em> eat something </em>, and you’re going to wait until they tell you what’s happening instead of assuming the worst.”</p><p>Eddie sniffles, nodding his head. He is terrible when the emergency is his own. It’s so much easier to treat someone else’s loved one and hand them off. When it’s the ones closest to Eddie, all logic fades away. “You’re right. I know you’re right.”</p><p>So Chim talks with Eddie for a few more minutes then sends him back inside, before all of the food gets cold.</p><p> </p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Buck is able to lure both Pepa and Eddie to the cafeteria to eat their burgers. The entire time Eddie tries to coax Pepa into eating, while Pepa tries to convince Eddie. When all is said and done, Buck has gotten each of them to eat some of their food. Eddie needs to remember when all of this is over to properly thank Buck. He’s Eddie’s best friend, but this is above and beyond what would ever be expected.</p><p>They’ve barely settled back into the chairs they’ve been occupying when a doctor steps into the waiting room. Eddie glances around and notices that there’s only one other family in there with them. “Family of Isabel Diaz?”</p><p><em> Finally</em>. FINALLY.</p><p>This is what he’s been preparing for all day, and Eddie feels like his heart is going to slam through his chest. The three of them stand as a unit, tired and anxious. “Sorry that you were kept waiting so long,” a dark-haired woman dressed in scrubs says. “Mrs. Diaz experienced a mild heart attack due to a significant blockage of one of her arteries. After the angioplasty, we were able to implant a stent to keep the blood flow open. She’s just waking up in recovery now, you should be able to see her in just a bit.”  </p><p>
  <em> She’s going to be okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’s going to be okay. </em>
</p><p>Eddie repeats it over and over again, feeling relief wash over him.</p><p> </p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Eddie lets Pepa go in to see Abuela first. She’s been waiting longer and he needs a few minutes to pull himself together. He tries insisting that Buck go home, that it’s late and he’s wasted his entire day at the hospital. Still, he’s remained by Eddie’s side.</p><p>Buck waits for Pepa to get done, and immediately offers to take her home with the promise that he’ll bring her back in the morning, while Eddie finally takes his turn to see Abuela.</p><p>Eddie knows as soon as he sees her that he should immediately feel relief. Instead, he feels a fresh wave of tears rushing to his eyes. She looks so weak, so powerless. Words that Eddie would <em> never </em>dare to use to describe his abuela.</p><p>“<em>Edmundo</em>,” she scolds hoarsely, “don’t stand all the way over there. Come here.”</p><p>He hesitates just inside the door, an amused smile pulling at his lips for the warning gaze that she gives him, before he moves closer. He sits in the chair beside her bed, so that she’s eye-level, trying to keep the tears from sliding down his cheeks. “<em>Never </em> do that again,” he warns with a wobbly voice.</p><p>She reaches for him, and Eddie notices the slow way that she moves before she cradles his cheek. Any chance of not crying in front of her disappears at the loving touch. His gaze doesn’t falter from hers as she reaches up and brushes his tears away. “I’m not going to live forever.”</p><p>“<em>Abuela</em>,” Eddie hisses, a breath crackling past his lips. “Don’t talk like that. I don’t want to ever hear you say that again.”</p><p>“I’m not giving up,” Abuela says, “I’m just telling you the truth. I won’t be here forever, Edmundo. There will be a day—”</p><p>Eddie blinks his eyes shut, trying to force the wave of emotions that are slamming into him away. He feels raw, and cut open. The fear that he’s been feeling all day, and now that Abuela <em> verbalizes </em>those fears— it’s too much. He’s cracked open and exposed, dropping his head down as he grips her smaller hand in his, a strangled sob slipping out.</p><p> “I thought I was going to lose you today. I don’t want to feel that way again. I can’t-I can’t do this without you. Any of this. I’ve spent this entire day talking about you to people. From the soapbox derby when I was a kid, to believing in me when nobody else dared to. You supported me when I made mistakes, and trusted that I’d learn from them and be a better man for it. I’m who I am <em> because of you. </em>Every good part of me is because you taught me to be that way. You showed me unconditional love and support even when I didn’t deserve it,” he sniffles as he looks at her with tired eyes. “Christopher and I need you.”</p><p>“I never want to leave you, but someday it’ll be my time. And you’ll be okay. I have faith in that. You might have been alone once, I may have been the only one in your corner then, but you have people around you now. Buck,” Abuela murmurs with a lazy smile,  “and the rest of your family at the firehouse. You came here for a job, and you found a family, instead. I know they’ve all been here for you today. That <em> handsome man </em>hasn’t left your side since he got here, and he helped with Christopher. There’s something I need you to promise me.”</p><p>He knows that Abuela asking for promises usually involves work, but there’s nothing that he won’t agree to right now. “Anything.”</p><p>Eddie swears he sees a twinkle in her eye, and he regrets agreeing even before she says more. “Promise me that you won’t be too afraid to take the first step, that you won’t settle for a good life when you can have a <em> great </em>one.”</p><p>“Abuela—”</p><p>“I know you always think everything through, and that you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, but love isn’t like that. Love doesn’t want you to <em> think</em>, it wants you to <em> feel </em> and to <em> act</em>. You don’t want to live your life and years down the line wonder what would have happened if only you had tried.”</p><p>Eddie feels his stomach twist anxiously. He doesn’t want to have those regrets years down the line, but what if he makes that first step and Buck backs away? What if he ruins the best friendship that he’s ever had?</p><p>“If you teach me to cook your mole poblano, I’ll… I’ll talk to Buck.”</p><p>Abuela laughs, and Eddie finds himself studying her features closely, committing this moment to memory. “You are an awful cook, Edmundo. Once I’m out of the hospital and feeling better, I’ll teach you <em> and Buck </em> to cook mole poblano. <em> After </em> you ask him on a date.”</p><p>He’s shaking his head with an amused look on his face. “You’re insufferable, you know that?”</p><p>She squeezes his hand gently in response. “You wouldn’t have me any other way,” she points out as she lets out a sleepy yawn. </p><p>And he wouldn’t.</p><p><br/>
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